One Angry Monkey

At what point does a perfectly normal person become a cynical pessimist? I don’t recall being such a glass-half-empty sort of girl growing up. Mind you, if I felt the tide was running out I’d just go for a top-up but anyway. I could swear I’d once followed the Monty Python philosophy - always look on the bright side of life.

Why, then, have I turned into such a bitter old tart, always expecting the worst? I see Patti and Selma on the Simpsons and think, there but for the grace of the Man of the House go I. What brought this on? (more…)

With the weekend comes my opportunity to get the laundry done. Why the weekend? Well, because we have ants in our backyard. Despite my less-than-impressed reaction to Ants on a Plane! I am not fond of ants. I don’t know many people who are, I’ll admit, but I especially dislike them. They come in vast numbers. And when I kill them with fly spray they die in vast numbers leaving me to clean up their corpses. It makes my skin crawl.

And that’s just New Zealand ants. Australian ants are worse because they’ll bite you. Even just the normal ones. This country is ridiculous. Everything bites. If I went out tomorrow and got bitten by a plant I wouldn’t be surprised. Well, beyond the fact that I was actually out. In an effort to avoid having ants crawling up my pants and biting my ankles (it hurts!) I get Brendan to hang the washing out. (more…)

Episode 6: Return of the Stolen Property

It all hung in the balance. Two victories for me. Two victories for Brendan. One draw. This was to be the deciding round. The outcome would decide, well, not much of anything. But winning doesn’t need to mean anything in order to be fun. And I like to win. It’s a family thing. The Matriarch, when facing defeat, will throw cards. Accusations have been made back and forth regarding Scrabble cheating. The family has, or has had, a thrower of Backgammon pieces. During our stay in Rotorua the Matriarch and I declared war on each other during the family game of Life.

We shouldn’t have done that. It allowed Sulfurous Winds from Below to defeat us. (more…)

Episode 5: The Nerd Strikes Back

An unanticipated hurdle has threatened to bring my campaign crashing down around my ears. Brendan doesn’t work on the weekend. When he’s at home it’s hard to separate him from his desk. If he’s not actually at his computer he’ll still be in the same room, or returning in a matter of moments.

In an attempt to be clever and resourceful, I left him languishing in bed while I got up under the pretense of wanting to have his coffee and toast ready when he arose. In all honesty that was probably my most transparent ruse to date. Worked though. (more…)

Episode 4: A New Hope

I think the heat might be getting to me. Adelaide is right in the middle of what’s being called an unseasonal heat wave. For the last week or so the temperature has been hovering around 35 degrees Celsius, give or take a couple of degrees. That’s 95 Fahrenheit, for all you imperialists out there. For November that’s extremely warm. I’m not enjoying it one bit.

You see, I don’t have a very high heat tolerance. Add to that the skin reaction I have to sun exposure and you have yourself a virtual shut-in. You’d think I’d be happy to spend my days lounging in front of the air conditioner but I’m not. I’m hopelessly bored. That’s what led to my declaration of war in the first place. Who declares war out of boredom? Well, at least I didn’t try and pretend Brendan had “nukular” weapons concealed somewhere in his Cave. (more…)

Episode 3: Revenge of the Nerd

After the disappointment surrounding my theft of his main speaker I was almost deterred. For fear that had been his intention, however, I plowed on for a second attempt at Episode 3. I decided to return to the original plan and take something from the top of his desk.

There’s actually not as much selection as one might expect though. The majority of his “critically important” clutter is comprised of cables and blank DVDs. Eventually I settled on his roll of solder. (more…)

Episode 2.5: Thwarted

Yesterday was to be the day when Brendan scored his first victory in the war between the forces of chaos and order. I’m the force of chaos, if you were wondering. Melodramatic? Perhaps. But a little overstatement never hurt anyone.

You see there was a method to my madness. I have a long memory, as you may have guessed from that grudge I’m holding for his watch game. I remember back when I first persuaded him to teach me how to play chess. The lessons remain incomplete and I fear I shall forever remain ignorant due to an issue we had during the third game. With a total of three pieces left to his name he decided to tip his little king onto its side and declare me the winner. That wasn’t a euphemism, if you were wondering. (more…)

Episode 2: Attack of the Sticky Fingers

Emboldened by my victory in Episode 1, I decided to choose an object a little closer to the centre of his attention. To the right of his keyboard he has a little (bright yellow) plastic box which contains his precision screwdrivers. This was a daring ploy for two reasons. One, the box itself stands out like a shag on a rock. The second, and far more significant, reason was that it was almost as obvious a choice as the battery charger. (more…)

Episode 1: The Random Menace

The other day, while he should have been working, Brendan came across The Nerd Handbook and made the mistake of sending the link to me. As the post on his blog would suggest, he likes to think that it is the definitive guide to all things Brendan. I decided to test his hypothesis. (more…)